Guest Blogger: Breaking Free from the System

Every Friday we feature a guest blogger, sharing a story, perspective or opinion. If you’d like to be a guest blogger, contact us to get involved.

Nowadays, when kids say that they’re being ‘abused’, further investigation often reveals a spoiled brat who’s toys got taken away or they were sent to time out or to bed without supper. Those stories irk me to no end. In contrast, my generation grew up with stories of their grandparents being subjected to literal whippings and public flogging.

My kind of abuse was a little different. I was thrown down stairs, hit with cast iron skillets, cut with kitchen knives and had my face shoved in fresh dog shit. I was called a ‘bitch’, a ‘slut’ and told that life would be better if I were dead by my own birth mother. It seemed that no matter how hard I screamed, the torment would intensify as the decibels in my voice rose.

I was 12 years old when I was sent to my first center. I had finally been placed in protective custody and since I had no living relatives, I became a part of what is known as ‘The System’. 5 years later, I would still be a part of the New Mexico Juvenile system and would have been a resident of no less than 15 individual centers. There were periods of time between some centers where I just lived in the desert or on the streets.

There were pro’s and con’s to growing up like this. I experienced absolutely every part of the Land of Enchantment, fell in love and got one-on-one education. This allowed me to be absolutely self sufficient and I credit this type of learning to me graduating from a public high school with Honors and in turn being admitted to University as an ‘Honors Admit’. I listened to different genres of music than I was accustomed to, visited Taos, Santa Fe, Gallup, the Navajo Reservation, went on carefully curated outings and was generally in safe hands.

However, the con’s are lengthy and still apparent in my personality today. After having spent 5 years in group confinement, I was fully institutionalized and had a very hard time adjusting to ‘outside’ life when I was granted an emancipation when I was 16. Despite having a pretty appearance and a sweet demeanor, I remember that my first year in a public high school was spent hiding in computer labs or libraries.

I learned about every drug addiction and mental illness in the book through my plentiful roommates. They showed me how to make household drug concoctions, how to moonshine my own alcohol, and how to represent a gang just by whistling a certain way. I learned which psychotropic medications treated which illnesses and what their side effects were. I saw my friends purposefully create riots and get hauled off to jail, never to be heard from again.

After having been in ‘The Outs’ for a few years, the only way to combat the woes of being institutionalized is to throw myself into social situations despite intense fear of rejection. I observe, grow and adapt. I haven’t forgotten where I came from, how I grew up and what I’ve been through. Sometimes the best way to escape the current reality is to ‘fake it till you make it’. By reinventing myself into my current persona, I have nearly eliminated the crippling effects of institutionalization and have become my own self, completely anew and Couture.

Crysti Couture is a mother, blogger, podcaster and eccentric femme from El Paso, TX. She currently writes about her life, opinions and whatever she pleases at www.Crystiology.com and is one third of the team at www.ClovisPulse.com. She also is part of the terrific trio for The Lady Bits Show at www.FuyaRadio.com where she and her co-hosts candidly and lasciviously talk about female sexuality and other issues women face today. Follow Crysti @crysticouture on Twitter.